I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
