and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
