My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
