Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
