she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
