Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
