watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
