I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
