Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
