make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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