Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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