my vag is so smooth its legendary
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
