6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
