a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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