I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
