We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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