Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
