you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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