fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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