Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
