girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
