Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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