HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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