I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
