girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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