How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
