Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
