I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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