I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize