I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Randomize
