Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
