actually, I'm a sock model
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
