Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
