dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
