hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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