If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize