Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
