My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
