Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you have to choose: penises or morals?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
