I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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