I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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