Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
