I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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