still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
