flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
