What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
