mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
