Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
