walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
