so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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