Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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