She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
