I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
