Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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