I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
