He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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