I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
