escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
