did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
