I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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