apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
