If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
