Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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