Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
