remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize