Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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