yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
