he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
