You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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