i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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