i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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