what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
