I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize