We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
