Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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