there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
