im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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