yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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