it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
