Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
