I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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