I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
