i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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