who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
