Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
