Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
