Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize