There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
