someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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