I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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