My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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