You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
