He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
